Home
When you feel at home, you feel safe, secure, and happy. It is your haven in the world of reality. It can be your house, a room in your home, your town or city, your state, or your country. It can be all those things.
I’m a city girl, yet having lived in a quieter, though large, town makes me feel so out of place. I can’t understand the insane traffic and noise, the lack of quiet and open spaces when I only knew fairly quiet roads and surrounded by cows and cornfields. Yes, being in a modern, clean, and nice city is great, but I miss running through quiet neighborhoods and not almost being run over repeatedly. I miss the trees and quiet woods I ran through. I miss the green and the grass I played in. I miss my high school, where I had an easier chance of making a name for myself than here with over 6,000 other students. I miss having my running friends only a street away. I miss having 8 miles being the edge of my town. I feel enclosed, surrounded by mountains, keeping me trapped and the only way to escape being the trek through them. I know no one here, even though it will change in a few months. But starting all over, having to learn everyone and who to trust and who to befriend, my place on the social hierarchy, is exhausting. I keep saying home is the one I left behind, and I can’t break myself of it.
In a few years I’ll be off to college, making it big, I can leave this behind. I want to go out of state. Who knows where I will settle, maybe where I came from? Those roots are in me and I can’t yank them out. The weather here is great, but that’s nothing. I can’t handle the monstrous bugs, despite there being less of them. The heat ruins my sleep schedule and I can’t enjoy summer when it is too hot to breathe. I’ll find a new place to call home, but here? Will it ever be home? Maybe when I finally settle. Maybe never. This wasn’t my choice, and my stubborn side knows it. Perhaps that is why. Guess I gotta do what I can to find my place.
My home.
